so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
