WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
