all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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