i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
