6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
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I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
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I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.