In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore