and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.