Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
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Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
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he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.