I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
