i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
