So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
and she was petting her beer can
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
