forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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