After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
