girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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