yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
