My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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