You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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