after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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