I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't deserve a penis
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
