Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
