My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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