Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize