gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
