I feel great
I just peed on a car
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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