Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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