for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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