Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
