So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
