She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
