i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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