My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
