i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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