Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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