walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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