why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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