I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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