"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
