Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I deserve this hangover.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
