If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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