I think my vagina is haunted
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
