Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
