if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
