I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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