you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
