My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
sex in a hospital.. check
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
