I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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