dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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