Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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