At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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