i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
