She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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