Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You made out with two different species that night
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
