Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize