He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
