Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
