I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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