Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
