i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
