I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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