Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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