Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
All I want is dick and wine.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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