I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
