My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
