can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
