why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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