Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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